I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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