Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
