those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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