she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
