I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
