Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
