I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
