just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
