Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
