youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
