If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
