if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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