I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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