I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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