I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
