I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
