she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
