talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
