census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
