i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
