When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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