hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
