I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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