Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
