Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
