I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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