I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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