I didn't shave. On purpose
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
