'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
