I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
