I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
