ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
