hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
