watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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