I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
