Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
