She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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