It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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