Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
