Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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