Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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