It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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