Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
