Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
