I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
