Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
