I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
