what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I didn't notice because vodka
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
