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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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