i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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